Friday, December 24, 2010

Banana Hammock. And how to be a good raider. And a puppy.


SQUEEEEEEEE PUPPY!

Ahem.

Hi! My name is Gneisha, aka Ðainz, aka Shreya, aka other random assorted alts. I am your Blood Queen. Accept it, live it, love it.

THIS IS MY CORNER. YOU HAVE ENTERED MY DOMAIN. PREPARE TO BE MORTIFIED AND RIDICULED.

Now, down to business.

HOW TO BE A GOOD RAIDER

First things first. What the hell are you? Are you a dps? Healer? Tank? Ranged? Melee? Here's a hint - if you're a hunter, and you answered melee, you need to die in fire. And you won't get an achievement for it, unless it's the "I'm a Fucking Idiot" achievement.

What? I can swear! It's allowed. Fuck you.

So figure out your shit. What exactly are you bringing to the raid? And don't say "lol imma tank im teh meatsheild" or "1337 deepz". Nobody cares how big your numbers or your epeen are. I'm talking about YOU, not your character. Pixels are only as good as the person behind the keyboard. As a dps, can you keep yourself alive? Do you use bandages, or run out of AoE and throw a heal on yourself, or use defensive cooldowns? As a tank, can you communicate to your raid mates about where you're moving, what cooldowns you're popping, when you're pulling? As a healer, can you coordinate heals with the other healers to minimize unnecessary overhealing, spread out Beacons and Earth Shields, and manage your mana efficiently?

Know your class. Reading up on sites like Elitist Jerks (www.elitistjerks.com) to min/max your spec, enchants, gems, glyphs, reforged stats and even your rotation could mean a world of difference. If you're stacking the wrong stat, simply switching to the proper one will see an increase in your dps. Using the proper glyphs, and willingness to switch in situational major glyphs for certain fights, shows a dedication to your own effectiveness. Healers and tanks learning how to manage their new spells and cooldowns can make or break a raid.

Know the fights. For fuck's sake, do what you can to learn the fights before you ever enter the raid. It takes 10-15 minutes tops to read up a bit on boss abilities or strategies, or watch a video. Tankspot is a great place to start (www.tankspot.com) Tankspot boring you? Try Yogscast on YouTube. They're absolutely hysterical and much more fun to watch, in my opinion. (www.youtube.com/BlueXephos) Look under their Cataclysm Raid Boss Guides. Not all of them are truly guides, instead are actually beta videos, but they do show the boss fights and give you a nice commentary on the videos that aren't real guides.

Gem. Enchant. Glyph. Reforge. Food buffs. Flasks. If you are in heroic gear, gem and enchant it. It doesn't have to be ridiculously expensive high end Cataclysm enchants. It can be the cheaper enchants. It can be green gems. But do some dailies, farm up some gold, and get your shit raid ready. Got an herbalist and need glyphs? Farm up some herbs and hand them to Acholate. She'll be happy to make you some glyphs. Ditto for any 525 alchemists in the guild. Level fishing and cooking. It's boring, but when you can make your own food or contribute to guild feasts, you'll feel like a million bucks.

Level your fucking professions. Got a profession? Put in the time and effort and level it up. No matter what it is, most of them give nice bonuses and special profession-only perks. The gathering professions not so much, but the creating ones will have nice ones. Archeology is also a nice choice, no matter what toon you level it on. Certain races have a chance to give you some really nice epics. Night elves have a healing trinket. Dwarves have a caster staff, along with Tol'vir. Trolls have a 2-handed dps sword. The best part? It's all Bind-On-Account.

Fed up with the lack of tanks/healers? If you play a hybrid class, make your offspec a healing or tanking one. Learning how to do things other than your main spec can help you see how it is from the other side. It also really helps the guild in making guild heroics, and eventually multiple 10 mans.

A dead dps does no dps. A tank that stacks all stamina and no avoidance is a dead tank. An out-of-mana healer is a dead group. And always remember, if the tank dies, it's the healer's fault (unless the tank is an idiot). If the healer dies, it's the tank's fault (unless the healer is an idiot). If the dps dies, it's their own damn fault.

Basically, if you're dumb, you're dead. And if you're dead, why should we bring you?

Please post questions and comments. Flames will be used to toast my marshmallows.

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